| I'm gonna get get get get rid of that girl tonight. |
[07 Apr 2008|11:46pm] |
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mood |
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vengeful |
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music |
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The Donnas |
] |
It says something when the song I relate to most lately is "girls just want to have fun."
I want to be the one to walk in the sun.
UH BITCH
Chloe, this is no showdown. Throw down your guns, it doesn't matter. Crazy bitch. Give yourself a break. You tried to take away my pride but you made an ass of yourself girl! This one's not for sale.
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[05 Apr 2008|01:10pm] |
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mood |
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 blah |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Beardo |
] |
In heavy anticipation of the Mickey Avalon sexfest/concert tomorrow, I decided to take a look at a few of his lyrics. Here are a few of the best:
"It's Mickey Avalon all up in your prom
Pissing in the fruit punch with a baby blue tuxedo on"
"I sodomized your father in a federal penitentiary
And on the day I got out
I went to your mother's house and slept on the couch"
"It's Mickey Avalon, dick thick as a baton
The illest motherfucker from here to Vietnam
I used to work nights at Hot Cock dot com
But then I got fired when my mom logged on"
"Jean wasn't fat, she was easy to catch."
"I'm sick on the microphone like smallpox
Wild-eyed babies go crazy when I rock
Blind old ladies into diabetic shock"
"My dick cost a late night fee
Your dick got the HIV
My dick plays on the double feature screen
Your dick went straight to DVD"
"My dick got a Caesar do,
Your dick needs a tweezer, dude"
"My dick is like super size
Your dick look like two fries"
"My dick- V.I.P.
Your shit needs I.D"
"P.S. we got dicks like Jesus"
"My dick need no introduction
Your dick don't even function
My dick served a whole lunch-in
Your dick- it look like a munchkin"
"My dick bench pressed 350
Your dick couldn't shoplift at Thrifty
My dick- pretty damn skimpy
Your dick- hungry as a hippie"
"My dick don't fit down the chimney
Your dick is like a kid from the Philippines"
"My dick parts the seas
Your dick farts and queefs
My dick- rumble in the jungle
Your dick got touched by your uncle"
"My dick goes to yoga
Your dick- fruit roll-up"
"My dick- sick and dangerous
Your dick- quick and painless
My dick- 'nuff said.
Your dick loves Fred"
Serious shit right there.
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| Heres whats left. |
[01 Apr 2008|08:40pm] |
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mood |
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 indifferent |
] |
| [ |
music |
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RJD2 |
] |
A quiet heartbeat. We are everywhere.
The wind the wind the wind is in my heart.
I snap my teeth on your cigarette!
Let's slide our feet up the street then pull it back.
Let's sing and dance then spin the clubs and cruise down the block.
Life is hard you know; so strike a pose!
Destroyer by The Kinks is Colin's song.
In six months, I picture myself in the living room of my apartment with slippers and a pipe, pondering the lyrics of Santogold's L.E.S. Artistes and knowing.
"What I'm searching for, to tell it straight, I'm tryin to build a wall.
Walking by myself, down avenues that reek of time to kill.
If you see me keep going, be a pass-by waver.
Build me up, bring me down, just leave me out you name dropper.
Stop tryin to catch my eye, I see you good you forced faker.
Just make it easy. You're my enemy you fast talker.
I can say I hope it will be worth what I give up.
If I could stand up and mean all the things that I believe.
I left my home to disappear is all.
I'm here for myself, Not to know you, I don't need no one else.
Fit in so good, the hope is that you cannot see me later.
You don't know me, I am an introvert an excavator.
I'm duckin' out for now, a face in dodgy elevators.
Creep up and suddenly I found myself an innovator.
Change, change, change,
I want to get up out of my skin.
Tell you what, if I can shake it, I'm 'a make this something worth dreaming of."
--peace
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| Living well is the best revenge. |
[01 Apr 2008|12:50am] |
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mood |
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 intimidated |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Santogold |
] |
The vista I see now is changing
Uncertainty is suffocating
Our hope has never felt so great and
Lit up down
A pounding pulse
To make it go
Make it slow down,
Go.
And some things, they fall to the wayside
Their memory is yet to be still
Belief has not filled me
And so I am put to the test
Death is pretty final. I'm collecting vinyl. I'm gonna DJ at the end of the world!
They thought that I would listen
but the words had never crystallized
Into a truth that I might own, hey hey.
No one cares
If your fantasies are
Dressed up in travesties.
Enjoy yourself with no regrets!
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| Anxiety is fear of oneself. |
[18 Mar 2008|12:10am] |
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mood |
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happy |
] |
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music |
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Jurassic 5 |
] |
Candor is always a double-edged sword; it may heal or it may separate.
The mark of the immature man is that he wants to die nobly for a cause, while the mark of a mature man is that he wants to live humbly for one.
-Wilhelm Stekel
You say you want more of that stuff, the stuff that makes your heart go pitter pat, the stuff that makes everything turn blue and green. You say you prefer it like that.
( Take me up to a warmer place )
Too many people starving and fighting
Too many salesmen, too many factories
But she likes getting high cause it's pretty.
i got guns, i got bombs, i got brains
and i won't fall for you
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| man why cant life always be this easy? |
[10 Mar 2008|06:10pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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surprised |
] |
| [ |
music |
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The Crystal Method |
] |
youve been on my brain. and if somebody had told me a month ago, i wouldnt have believed them.
am i right?
"time is too infinite to possess."
the best quotes come when youre high.
+skipping school and fitting TEN people in kevin's car
+being driven by someone on acid...yikes.
+dancing dancing dancing
+IHOP at 3 am.
+making techno tracks with daniel, dj recall. go here and download one!! (http://www.mediafire.com/?jn3nwvkcgym):)
+psytrance parties!!
+taking photos of everything so that i'll remember it next year.
+matt's apartment. oh the memories
+Troy is the man.
+Sleeping while sharing a tiny ass couch with a tall person who snores.
+Cuddling :)
+Going to the electronica fest for free.
+Eggs and bacon at Matt's.
( a few from the last few months )
So many things and its only been a few days!! 08 has been a blast.
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| african blues does not know me |
[05 Mar 2008|06:53pm] |
There's not enough love in the world to weigh me down.
How many a man has thrown up his hands at a time when a little more effort, a little more patience would have achieved success? - Elbert Hubbard
There is a pleasure in the pathless woods;
There is a rapture on the lonely shore;
There is society, where none intrudes,
By the deep sea, and music in its roar:
I love not man the less, but Nature more...
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| The holes we dig. |
[13 Feb 2008|10:35pm] |
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mood |
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optimistic |
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music |
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Bats for Lashes |
] |
"It was as if that great rush of anger had washed me clean, emptied me of hope, and gazing up at the dark sky spangled with its signs and stars, for the first time, the first, I laid my heart open to the benign indifference of the universe."
-From The Stranger by Albert Camus
I've always been vaguely bothered by the idea of sleep. I've usually tried to explain my dislike of it in rational terms. It's a waste of a third of your life. It usually just makes me feel groggy and unpleasant instead of refreshed.
Fundamentally, I think, my real problem with sleep may be the simple fact that sleep is scary.
Not on the level of a real phobia, of course. Just enough to make me vaguely reluctant to do it until it becomes absolutely necessary.
Sleep is also way too close to death for me to feel totally comfortable with it. Obviously, they're completely different in any number of critical ways, but, viewed subjectively, there are enough common elements to make the association uncomfortable.
And one thing I've always found particularly creepy is that sleep seems to compress the memories of the day ending in some way. There are memories—usually minor, but real—that simply won't be there when you wake up. Tiny chunks of your life that might as well not have happened.
*all Alfred Eisenstaedt
"It is said that
the only proper place to eat a mango is
in the bathtub."
- John De Mers
"It was inevitable,
the scent of bitter almonds
always reminded him of the
fate of unrequited love."
- Gabriel Garcia Marquez
Love in the Time of Cholera
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| We live here but we're sightseers. |
[23 Jan 2008|08:54pm] |
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mood |
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bereft of ideas |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Kate Nash |
] |
The air is cold but I like where I'm living.
I wish I had more interesting/entertaining things to say lately.
life life life life (wave goodbye to everything)
"I'm a stenographer of my mind. I write down what passes through it, not what goes on around me. I'm a poet." -Allen Ginsberg
I wish I could learn to take that advice. Apparently learning seems to be one of my difficult areas, lately.
Sometimes I just don't know anymore. Maybe I should start looking straight ahead instead of out the windows, because something always snags me and holds me back. Everywhere, everyone, everything. Every, every. I can't think too much about the meaning of the word or I will forget what it means all together, or at least question it's existence in the English dictionary.
I wish I could write a book and have people question my motives and my actions, the words lining the paper that they hold in their hands... I want them to feel the mystery and understand it at the same time. The mystery, being my mind, the motive of the words on the paper, you know?
"She remembers nothing. All her memories go to noise, go satirical and loud and uncontrollable - they fly like teeth and balloons from her brain to the open bones of her eyes, and clang there, lodge and impact and burst there. The months accumulate like houses in the middle of nowhere. And her sense of irony, finally, her cheap way of paradox, of that self-blanking kind of truth and calm, of easing, sometimes, into the sarcastic haze of living - it goes bad, like an awful, leaden, jam-packed something in her head." -Tao Lin, Bed
One thing I can read and understand and relate to. My hands are cold and sometimes all I want is someone to make them warmer. But more than that I just want to be able to live and live for me. Sometimes (almost all the time) I live for other people and what I think they want out of me. And that is a huge part of life, to impress other people, to do what they want you to do; a lot of times you have to if you want to achieve something in life.
Does any of this make the least bit of sense to anyone?
I keep on thinking about when I was little and I would lay underneath the big maple tree in my backyard and think about why I exist, and why grass exists, and why trees exist, and what is the sky made of? Why are there stars in the sky? How come ladybugs don't rule the Earth, and we do? I used to think too much as a kid, I think, so now I have come to a conclusion, that to make up for this, I just don't think at all anymore.
Oh, and I know you will prove my hypothesis right.
Have a nice day.
( I can't love you unless I give you up )
"There are two ways of spreading light: to be
The candle or the mirror that reflects it."
"There's no such thing as old age; there is only sorrow."
-Edith Wharton
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| no sound but the echo of dead leaves |
[16 Jan 2008|10:04pm] |
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mood |
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tomato-y |
] |
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music |
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Conquest - White Stripes |
] |
Just to be is a blessing. Just to live is holy. - Rabbi Abraham Heschel
Oh I'm just a fall leaf something simple and shy like that
That's how my heart lies down beside the sidewalk
Like an empty restaurant filled with perfume and balloons
I sit and entertain the bizarro ghosts of my soul
-CocoRosie
I'm alone in the park (say goodbye)
with a saber-tooth shark (I won't cry)
go obama?
my heart is like a savage.
why isn't there more popped stuff besides just popcorn?
Any good house is a lot like a museum and I would like my house to turn into a museum or be asked to turn someone else's house into a museum. Last night I dreamed that I was discovered by my mom to be living in a barn and the night before I dreamed that I lived in an underwater electricity factory that Mr. Warren blew up by opening the underwater garage door too many times.
"does anyone have some kind of gigantic knife i can borrow" -craigslist post
I want to be buried with a cookie while wearing a clown suit. Someone see to this.
School has started again and so far it is going alright. I hope it keeps on that way.
Why don't you open up at all?
I am ready, I am ready for the floor.
( Lines Composed in a Wood on a Windy Day )
Dreams (Anne Brontë)
While on my lonely couch I lie,
I seldom feel myself alone,
For fancy fills my dreaming eye
With scenes and pleasures of its own.
Then I may cherish at my breast
An infant's form beloved and fair,
May smile and soothe it into rest
With all a Mother's fondest care.
How sweet to feel its helpless form
Depending thus on me alone!
And while I hold it safe and warm
What bliss to think it is my own!
To feel my hand so kindly prest,
To know myself beloved at last,
To think my heart has found a rest,
My life of solitude is past!
But then to wake and find it flown,
The dream of happiness destroyed,
To find myself unloved, alone,
What tongue can speak the dreary void?
A heart whence warm affections flow,
Creator, thou hast given to me,
And am I only thus to know
How sweet the joys of love would be?
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| I fly like paper get high like planes. |
[14 Jan 2008|12:04am] |
And we're hitting our records like a tennis player
And the drummers do the shit like the macarena
Now I'm sittin' down chilling on some gun powder
Strike / match / light / fire
Yeah, I'm knocking on the doors of your hummer hummer
You'll be hungry like the wolves hunting dinner dinner
And we're moving with the packs like hyena ena
S-S-S-S-Saturday niiight.
I salt and pepper my Mango
Shoot Spit Out the window
London
Quiet down I need to make a sound
New York
Quiet down I need to make a sound
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| And there are things that follow us quietly to the past. |
[01 Jan 2008|09:15pm] |
The rain it tumbled down through the cracks in the sky which made your hands grow. And we still see through their planks, shifted laughs. We'll hold the hands of sinners and then we will pass.
Dasha speaking in her mother tongue at IHOP.
2 vids from the rave!! Aahhh so much fun.
let's have a song
the morning sun is soon to come
we don't have time to linger on!
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| What did you do for New Years? |
[01 Jan 2008|06:40pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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blah |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Purple Haze - Jimi Hnedrix |
] |
Stop now before it's too late
Been eating in the ghetto on a hundred dollar plate
Nothing lasts forever
That's the way it's gotta be
There's a great black wave in the middle of the sea
New Years was pretty awesome. I went over to Danielle's house and we ate weenies and watched videos. Then Dasha, Kathryn, and I went to a rave. And danced,
and danced,
and danced.
Anyway, happy new year! 2007 was an insanely dramatic year for me. Maybe things will calm down, but what's life without a little bit of craziness? I hope you all enjoyed your festivities.
you
glad - Stand with me I liked crookedly walking barefoot the other day. It saved my stockings and my feet from near freezing, thanks. And I hope we can have lunch every tuesday and thursday in the spring. We'll carve shapes out of cardboard in the library again. New and strange, I'm going to try and be your friend. There are no words for the ground we stand on together. I don't think I'll see you soon, but I'm glad. And I appreciate you so much now that I know. Makes no difference how we're changing, let me even if I'm unreasonable. Thanks - for cutting trees and letting us decorate. I enjoyed your company and all, but I'm learning to keep my distance from genuine falsities. And I decided today that we'll be art buddies and I imagine sharing a box and I'll start with buttons and ink and we'll see what happens.
( what will happen! everything.< )
shake my leaves!
we made baked apples yesterday.
they were really tasty but still(we ate
them quick and quiet, mush)
two thousand eiiiiight, i'm ready,
pockets pockets, i have loads of pockets
some of them have holes
some of them have eyes
some cannot contain their
excitement, the possibility of
holding something teeny and secret
now to gather courage to open that black binded
notebook and go, like once before !
Look upon me! I'll show you the life of the mind!
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| We must all see life as if we were children. |
[30 Dec 2007|08:56pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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productive |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
New Violence - White Williams |
] |
I, too, shall wake again.
"No one ever reads a book. He reads himself through books, either to discover or to control himself." -Romain Rolland
I am much too alone in this world, yet not alone
enough
to truly consecrate the hour.
I am much too small in this world, yet not small
enough
to be to you just object and thing,
dark and smart.
-rilke
( Come on love, stay with me )
for alex:
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't intrigued,
But timing is everything here,
and for the moment the "we" is reprieved
But, as I watch the girl unfold before my eyes, I discover
That I like her.
There's only wind and dust to follow your footsteps on the run.
Cold feet in London
Useless confetti
No groom
No first kiss
No diamonds for the girl
Yeah you got to mix it child.
It's a bitch!
Your eyes are wide
And though your soul
can’t be bought
Your mind can wander.
It’s everything I wish I didn’t know
Except you give me something I can feel, feel.
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| I fell for a man who filled me with sand. |
[29 Dec 2007|11:26am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
predatory |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Pioneers - Bloc Party |
] |
"When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace." - Jimi Hendrix
The past few days have each been different lifetimes.
currently, i am reading into EVERYTHING. it's killing me.
why are girls so naturally crazy?
i am so confused by your actions
(or maybe i'm just confused with myself).
my friends are pretty.
life is very long when you're lonely.
please please let me get what i want.
i went on a walk with alex and everything was empty. we sat under a bridge and i said merry christmas to an apparent coke-addict. i am never aware of such things. glorious! he was quite pleasant, but now i understand the twitchy behavior.
these dreams are keeping me going
going, my horoscope tells me to be
patient, but i can't! ahhh! distract me!
i admire the strangest sorts of people. the money ive been making i want to blow it all on running away. like huck, oooo i'd sail away on the mississippi. want to be my jim? we'd stargaze until we dropped dead. death from stars!
( sleep beneath the winter sheets )
You who never arrived
in my arms, Beloved, who were lost
from the start,
I don't even know what songs
would please you. I have given up trying
to recognize you in the surging wave of the next
moment.
-rilke
I hear that you got yourself a job
and all your friends you finally nailed down
but you go out in the night till you got no place to go
something you aint doing right is haunting you at home
now we've been hanging round for quite a while
so let's get out of here and take a drive
on the parkway tonight
you can hear the engines roar
the flashing lights will nab you when you're driving your way home
and someday when you turn around you'll see the door is closing
-the walkmen "138th street"
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[23 Dec 2007|12:28pm] |
"I can't fall asleep cause Tania didn't make me want to kill myself, but Tania is alive. If she is not I will kill myself. I will...Wait, who took away my bra? What finals did I have today? I hope everyone is alive. Did Emily get slippers? Man, I am a genius! Fuck yeah! I can't smell because I'm allergic to something (like Milana) wait...Who turned off the movie? I like ACL & James FuckFace. I didn't like it, but I texted him. Can I talk? Mexicans can talk...Spanish! Fuck yeah. He's the one who broke my heart? Will I die, already? Do I like boys? 6 is my lucky number. Macy's gone! Fuck I am cold! 3:15, I promise I like black people. I will turn off the light, like Megan Willoughby. I fell in the toilet. I play piano (for a joke). I can bring blankets to your face shape. The world outside is scary. Like a nightmare.
I don't remember this so why don't I die now,
for you.
For You."
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bebo_ciglia's journal
energetic
